it's been over a year since my last update to this blog. surprisingly, the reasons for continuing the blog are the same as the reasons for beginning the blog in February of 2010. it's my place to be myself, to blog what i want to write, and a place to share what i just can't hold in any longer.
to be honest, this blog is my mirror. once i type and post it, it's out there forever. i can't take it back, i can't rewrite it again, i can't ask myself - why bother? it's a mirror to keep me honest about life: cooking, writing, relationships, love.
a year ago, i had no idea that in 12 months i would living in Virginia Beach, living in an apartment, working a day job part-time, and writing and cooking full-time. a year ago, i had no idea i wouldn't post a blog entry for 12 months because i would start a new job at work, devote 50+ hours to company projects, and spend 4 MONTHS cleaning and staging our house for sale. 12 months ago i didn't know i could cover so much territory.
yet as i reread entries in my blog, it doesn't feel like 12 months have passed. i can still feel the emotion. i still remember the struggle to find the words. i still remember the excitement of completing the chocolate cake recipe. the brownie recipe. and what i wanted then is what i still want right now: love.
sound cheesy and corny? it is. but it's honest and exactly how i feel. love is easy to forget about when you're focused on projects that demand hours and hours of your day but ultimately never love you back. love is easy to forget when there's you're taking a loss on a house in a dismal housing market just so you can say "SOLD!". love is easy to bury beneath obsessions (electronics, cookware, movies, clothes, weight). love is easy to take for granted when you only see your significant other a few days out of the month.
and eventually...it's just gone.
forget the romance, the longing stares, the flowers, the dinners, the kisses, the erotic - not love. love is putting away the dishes, running laundry, buying groceries, working a day job, compromising on the random. love is not buying, not spending, not taking, not asking. in fact, love is doing.
so as cheesy and cliched as searching for love may be, that's what i want and that's the reason for blogging. cooking can be love. writing can be love. swimming can be love. and relationships can definitely be love. 12 months ago i began blogging to talk about cooking, writing, relationships and most importantly - love. nothing's changed.
Well, one thing has changed. I've decided to embrace capitalization from here on out.
I'm lucky - I am loved by many. The real challenge will be to successfully reciprocate.