I know I said I wouldn't be posting during the holidays, but I kind of lied. Because while
Before I go any further, let's get one thing straight: I make fun because I love. Period. If I don't love you, I wouldn't bother making fun (and I probably wouldn't know enough about you to make fun of you anyway). So enjoy this humor as it's intended - to be all in good fun because I love.
Just to demonstrate that I mean no ill will, I have even included "Javelin Warrior Ten Commandments" poking fun at myself. Because let's face it - we all have little habits and neurotic tendencies that can be both endearing and fun to poke at.
Ok, on with the funny.
The site is called Food Network Humor (and perhaps you've already been to the site and I'm just horrifically late to the party). It's packed with jabs and barbs at different Food Network celebrities, but some of the posts are hilarious - if you can bear to have your favorite FN personality dragged through the mud!
My favorite posts are the Ten Commandment posts (there's a handful) and I've provided links to these below. My favorite FN personality is Ina Garten from the Barefoot Contessa (I adore her show), so the link to her Ten Commandments is first.
To appreciate a lot of the barbs and jokes, you'll need to have watched a handful of episodes. And if you want even more barbs (as I did), make sure to read the comments following these posts. Some of the comments are better than the barbs in the actual post!
- Ten Commandments of Ina Garten
- Ten Commandments of Money Saving Meals (Sandra Lee)
- Ten Commandments of Giada De Laurentis
- Ten Commandments of Paula Deen
- Now why isn't there one for Rachel Ray?
Now, if you enjoy particularly vicious humor (and I do as evidenced by my addiction to Family Guy and South Park), then here are a few little treats for you. For more, I recommend browsing Food Network Humor on your own. Just watch out - some of it is downright mean!
- Giada's New Line of Dog Food
- Giada Cooking with Ellen
- Top 10 Reasons Ina Garten Rejected "Make a Wish" Foundation Boy
- Google Logo Features Doodle by Ina Garten - humor is in the blog surround doodle
- Top 10 Ways the Food Network Can Save Money
- The 10 Funniest Reviews of Rachel Ray's Pineapple Wedges
- Close to Zero: Food Network Edition
Now, just to prove I'm a good sport and can take a punch for humor, here's Ten Commandments ripping on me. Feel free to chime in with your own Commandments.
Javelin Warrior's Ten Commandments
- Thou shalt utterly FAIL to proof-read thy posts - yet unfailingly remember to preface thy "salt" with "kosher"
- Thou shalt insist on making everything from scratch - and then thou adds pre-made bouillon cubes to thy homemade stocks
- Thou shalt endlessly obsess over the virtues of CorningWare's "thermal-shock resistant Pyroceram" - SNOOOOOOOZE
- Thou shalt passionately rant at least once per month about topics NO ONE CARES ABOUT!
- Thou shalt over-use made-up hash-tags like #FetishWorthy to describe every random food
- Thou shalt disappear for WEEKS from every social network - and offer no explanation on return
- Thou shalt insist on prefacing EVERY recipe with prolific tomes celebrating thyself
- Thou shalt refer to thy partner as thy "boyfriend" - even though thou hast been together almost 9 years AND thou got engaged over 3 years ago!
- Thou shalt lamely attempt aliteration with every blog label: Warrior's Week, Tools and Tips, Food Fetish Fridays, and Tuesday Tutor
- Thou shalt incessantly NAG about "love" in every post - even when posts have NOTHING to do with love!
Hope you you enjoy a little humor with your holiday and I'll see you next year! All my love,