"I really miss it," I say. We're on a walk together, exploring a new subdivision near our apartment complex. It's finally spring, the snow is gone and we're back taking walks together. It feels so good to be walking again. To feel ground under my feet. To be moving forward. Even if it's just in a big circle.
Boyfriend Javelin glances at me. "You miss walking?" he asks.
I shake my head. Although I have missed walking. And spring. And all the beautiful dandelions opening their cheerful yellow faces. "No," I say, glancing down at the pavement. "I miss blogging. I mean, I've been blogging. Just not like I was."
Boyfriend Javelin keeps pace beside me. And he keeps quiet. I'm not really expecting him to say a word. And he knows it. This isn't really a conversation.
"I miss not sharing new recipes," I go on. I'm starting to walk faster. I'm moving forward faster. Toward the goal, whatever a circular goal is. If there is a goal. "I really just want to get back to sharing new stuff."
"Yeah?" Boyfriend Javelin says, glancing at me. Still not a conversation. "I don't blame you…"
"I miss the sharing, you know?" I say. I miss the feeling of having something worth sharing. I miss feeling like I'm somehow helping someone. Like the recipes I share, matter. That what I write, matters. I miss that feeling of creating something useful for that unknown someone who is reading.
I don't say any of that to Boyfriend Javelin. We walk in silence for a while, just the sound of shoes against cement. I don't tell him I'm afraid to start blogging again. To risk not having something to say. Or worse, not mattering.
The hardest part of blogging is overcoming the crippling fear of irrelevance.
I don't tell him about the fear. "I just want to get back to being able to help," I finally say. "Or at least to try."
And that's what I'm back to do. I'm here to help. No more fear. Fearless cooking. Fearless recipes. Fearless posts.
And just to show I'm serious, I've dedicated the past 4 months to retesting, photographing and cleaning up old recipes from my early blogger days. I've cleaned-up and restarted the Food Fetish Friday series to provide you with inspiration to get back into the kitchen. I've dedicated even more energy to the Made with Love Monday series to encourage everyone to try cooking from scratch. And most recently, I brought back the Tuesday Tutor series to highlight my blogger friends and to personally share their delicious food with you.
Starting next week, I'll be back with a fresh new recipe. There's still a lot of work to be done, still a lot of changes I need to make, but no more fear. Just more moving forward.
Recently Updated Recipes
|Fudge Brownies From Scratch|
|Homemade Vegetable Stock|
|Oatmeal Raisin Chocolate Chunk Cookies|
|Breaded Chicken Piccata with Lemon Caper Sauce|
|Sautéed Asparagus with Almonds|
|Homemade Lemon Garlic Hummus|
|Bacon Cheddar Broccoli Salad|
|Lentil Marinara Sauce|
|Homemade Pastry Dough|
|Homemade Roasted Red Peppers|
|Fresh Homemade Marinara Sauce|
|Homemade Blueberry Muffins|
|Homemade Alfredo Sauce|
|Easy Buttermilk Biscuits|
|Homemade Chicken Stock|
|Foolproof Homemade Caramel Sauce|
|Real Homemade Whipped Cream|
|Roll Out Sugar Cookie Cutouts|
|Real Homemade Mayonnaise|
Thanks for being patient with me. Thanks for continuing to lend your support and love. And thanks for helping me to overcome my fear. It's good to be back.