Thursday, May 2, 2013

The Fear of Irrelevance

No Fear


"I really miss it," I say. We're on a walk together, exploring a new subdivision near our apartment complex. It's finally spring, the snow is gone and we're back taking walks together. It feels so good to be walking again. To feel ground under my feet. To be moving forward. Even if it's just in a big circle.

Boyfriend Javelin glances at me. "You miss walking?" he asks.

I shake my head. Although I have missed walking. And spring. And all the beautiful dandelions opening their cheerful yellow faces. "No," I say, glancing down at the pavement. "I miss blogging. I mean, I've been blogging. Just not like I was."

Walking Paths

Boyfriend Javelin keeps pace beside me. And he keeps quiet. I'm not really expecting him to say a word. And he knows it. This isn't really a conversation.

"I miss not sharing new recipes," I go on. I'm starting to walk faster. I'm moving forward faster. Toward the goal, whatever a circular goal is. If there is a goal. "I really just want to get back to sharing new stuff."

"Yeah?" Boyfriend Javelin says, glancing at me. Still not a conversation. "I don't blame you…"

"I miss the sharing, you know?" I say. I miss the feeling of having something worth sharing. I miss feeling like I'm somehow helping someone. Like the recipes I share, matter. That what I write, matters. I miss that feeling of creating something useful for that unknown someone who is reading.

I don't say any of that to Boyfriend Javelin. We walk in silence for a while, just the sound of shoes against cement. I don't tell him I'm afraid to start blogging again. To risk not having something to say. Or worse, not mattering.

The hardest part of blogging is overcoming the crippling fear of irrelevance.

Hawaii Sunset

I don't tell him about the fear. "I just want to get back to being able to help," I finally say. "Or at least to try."

And that's what I'm back to do. I'm here to help. No more fear. Fearless cooking. Fearless recipes. Fearless posts.

And just to show I'm serious, I've dedicated the past 4 months to retesting, photographing and cleaning up old recipes from my early blogger days. I've cleaned-up and restarted the Food Fetish Friday series to provide you with inspiration to get back into the kitchen. I've dedicated even more energy to the Made with Love Monday series to encourage everyone to try cooking from scratch. And most recently, I brought back the Tuesday Tutor series to highlight my blogger friends and to personally share their delicious food with you.

Starting next week, I'll be back with a fresh new recipe. There's still a lot of work to be done, still a lot of changes I need to make, but no more fear. Just more moving forward.


Recently Updated Recipes

Roma Tomatoes
Blanched Tomatoes

Rephotographing fudge brownie recipe. And tweaking, of course.
Fudge Brownies From Scratch

Strained Stock Closeup
Homemade Vegetable Stock

Oatmeal Raisin Chocolate Chunk Cookies
Oatmeal Raisin Chocolate Chunk Cookies

Breaded Chicken Piccata with Lemon Caper Sauce Closeup
Breaded Chicken Piccata with Lemon Caper Sauce

Sauteed Asparagus with Almonds Overhead
Sautéed Asparagus with Almonds

Homemade Lemon Garlic Hummus
Homemade Lemon Garlic Hummus

Broccoli Salad with Bacon and Cheddar
Bacon Cheddar Broccoli Salad

Lentil Marinara Sauce with Spaghetti Pasta Zoom
Lentil Marinara Sauce

Crimped Pie Crust, Trimmed
Homemade Pastry Dough

Homemade Roasted Red Peppers
Homemade Roasted Red Peppers

Spices and Bay Leaves Added to Marinara
Fresh Homemade Marinara Sauce

Homemade Blueberry Muffins with Butter
Homemade Blueberry Muffins

Homemade Fettuccine Alfredo
Homemade Alfredo Sauce

Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits
Easy Buttermilk Biscuits

Homemade Chicken Stock From Scratch
Homemade Chicken Stock

Foolproof Homemade Caramel Sauce
Foolproof Homemade Caramel Sauce

Real Homemade Whipped Cream
Real Homemade Whipped Cream

Butterfly Sugar Cookies
Roll Out Sugar Cookie Cutouts

Homemade Mayonnaise, with Knife
Real Homemade Mayonnaise


Thanks for being patient with me. Thanks for continuing to lend your support and love. And thanks for helping me to overcome my fear. It's good to be back.



12 comments:

  1. Yay!! So glad you are back and feeling feisty and fearless again. xxxx

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  2. Thanks for the kind words, Anneli! It's good to be feeling feisty ;)

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  3. Great post. Saw this on G+ and had to come over and see what you had to say. I found a connection in your words. Sometimes I'm blogging but not really "blogging"

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  4. Thanks for dropping by, Lee Ann, and I'm glad you enjoyed the post. I blogging can be ultimately what we make it - or what we let it make us :/

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  5. Kayle (The Cooking Actress)May 2, 2013 at 9:59 AM

    *claps* yay! So happy for you to be back :)

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  6. mjskit @mjskitchen.comMay 2, 2013 at 12:11 PM

    And it's SO GOOD to have you back!!!! One of you statements says it all "I miss that feeling of creating something useful for that unknown someone who is reading." That's exactly why I started my website - to share something useful with people I do and do not know and hope that it makes them happy. :) Welcome back Darlin!

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  7. Thank you, MJ! That's exactly why I started my blog too. My greatest motivation is finding a way to help and when I lose sight of that, I get easily discouraged :/ I'm happy to be back but also happy to have had a chance to remove some major concerns...

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  8. Thank you, Kayle! Happy to be back for sure...

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  9. Meg Sweet TwistMay 2, 2013 at 1:31 PM

    Look at all the work you did to re visit all the recipes. That is amazing in it self, to reassure people the recipes are good. Those photographs are beautiful.


    Looking forward to your new creations!

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  10. Thank you for the kind words, Meg! I definitely think it was worth the effort to go back and make the changes - I've found new techniques and simplified methods for some of the recipes and that definitely felt worth sharing...

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  11. Wonderful post, Its always good to tackle your fears. All the best for a wonderful new and vibrant blog posts , healthy eating and above all for recreating and encouraging others.

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  12. Jody_thehobbyroomdiariesMay 4, 2013 at 11:58 PM

    I'm so glad you're "back." I really enjoy reading your dialogues and seeing the recipes you've worked on, so this is fabulous news. And kudos for your bravery in facing your fears AND telling all of us about it.

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