Boyfriend Javelin and I are getting married.
I’m sharing this with you because I don’t want to do this in secret or hide my life. I share other events in my life and it’s only appropriate to share this one as well.
Some will say I’m doing the right thing. Others will say I’m doing the wrong thing. And the rest won’t say anything. Maybe you don’t know what to think or you don’t feel comfortable voicing your opinion. But no matter what your response, you’re not alone. I’ve plagued myself with many questions about the morality of my relationship. What if I AM wrong? What if all the people who believe I’m wrong are right? What if I shouldn’t get married? What if my relationship is sinful?
But these questions are a trap: they insist on answers, driving me to obsess over “getting it right”. I scour texts, I analyze every detail, I examine each nuanced behavior, I carefully formulate answers to every possible question. And in the end, I’m no better off, still left waffling between innocence and guilt, between clarity and confusion. No matter how painstakingly I assemble my house of cards, it’s devastated by just one niggling doubt. And I’m trapped in despair yet again.
All of this searching and analysis and obsession over “getting it right” obscures the only question and answer that matters. Do I believe in Christ? That’s THE question. And the answer is everything.
If I believe, then Christ is in me and I am made alive through him. He has already saved me, he will guide me, and in the end, he will bring me safely to his kingdom. He has the power to do this and I don’t have to trust in ME to get it right. I don’t have to assemble a house of cards to feel secure. One answer chases away all doubt and brings peace that transcends understanding: “Jesus loves me.”
So where is the proof that I’m making the right decision? Where’s the evidence? It’s tempting to provide a long explanation and make all kinds of convincing arguments. But I don’t want you to be convinced by my fancy words or logical deductions. Because then your conclusions will be based on me and your trust will be based on fine-sounding arguments. And that’s not faith - that’s clever reasoning. If you really want the truth (about marriage or any other question), then start with Christ. Believe in him. He is the way, the truth and life - and he will teach you all things.
The real question is, do you believe this?
More from this series
- Confessions of a Liar
- A New Command
- Freed for Freedom
- The Ideal Job
- Prime Directive
- Faith, Hope and Handouts
- Killing Monsters
- Jesus Loves Me
- A Letter to You