Marriage, and the ONE Important Question

Boyfriend Javelin and I are getting married.

I’m sharing this with you because I don’t want to do this in secret or hide my life. I share other events in my life and it’s only appropriate to share this one as well.

Some will say I’m doing the right thing. Others will say I’m doing the wrong thing. And the rest won’t say anything. Maybe you don’t know what to think or you don’t feel comfortable voicing your opinion. But no matter what your response, you’re not alone. I’ve plagued myself with many questions about the morality of my relationship. What if I AM wrong? What if all the people who believe I’m wrong are right? What if I shouldn’t get married? What if my relationship is sinful?

But these questions are a trap: they insist on answers, driving me to obsess over “getting it right”. I scour texts, I analyze every detail, I examine each nuanced behavior, I carefully formulate answers to every possible question. And in the end, I’m no better off, still left waffling between innocence and guilt, between clarity and confusion. No matter how painstakingly I assemble my house of cards, it’s devastated by just one niggling doubt. And I’m trapped in despair yet again.

All of this searching and analysis and obsession over “getting it right” obscures the only question and answer that matters. Do I believe in Christ? That’s THE question. And the answer is everything.

If I believe, then Christ is in me and I am made alive through him. He has already saved me, he will guide me, and in the end, he will bring me safely to his kingdom. He has the power to do this and I don’t have to trust in ME to get it right. I don’t have to assemble a house of cards to feel secure. One answer chases away all doubt and brings peace that transcends understanding: “Jesus loves me.”

So where is the proof that I’m making the right decision? Where’s the evidence? It’s tempting to provide a long explanation and make all kinds of convincing arguments. But I don’t want you to be convinced by my fancy words or logical deductions. Because then your conclusions will be based on me and your trust will be based on fine-sounding arguments. And that’s not faith - that’s clever reasoning. If you really want the truth (about marriage or any other question), then start with Christ. Believe in him. He is the way, the truth and life - and he will teach you all things.

The real question is, do you believe this?

More from this series


  1. Just a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS from me!!!!! I am very happy for you and I wish you a fantastic married life!!! <3

  2. I believe in LOVE.

  3. Heck, it doesn't matter what I (or anyone else) thinks. All that matters is what you and Boyfriend Javelin think. And it sounds like each of you thinks the other is kinda sorta really really cool. And all of that. ;-) So congrats! And my very best wishes.

  4. kellie@foodtoglowApril 9, 2014 at 1:07 PM

    I don't think it is anyone's business to tell people who they can marry, and I'm sorry that you have been so conflicted.. For me, as long as people love each other, are committed, and want to be with each other for the rest of their lives, that's what counts. Morality and concepts of right and wrong change over time, and will keep changing. I believe in following your heart. Many congratulations to you and Boyfriend. I wish you every happiness :-)

  5. Thank so much for the happy wishes, Manu - sometimes I still have to pinch myself to believe it's real :)

  6. I do as well, Anna. And there's one love that I know doesn't fail and leads to love fully - and that's the one I'm clinging to...

  7. "kinda sorta really really cool" ;) That made me smile, John. And I always appreciate when someone gets me to smile :) And thanks for the happy wishes...

  8. Kayle (The Cooking Actress)April 9, 2014 at 3:06 PM

    This makes me SO happy but also soo sad. When I announced I was engaged on my blog it was very exciting and everyone was so happy-and it shouldn't be any different for you!!! I am SO happy for you two, you are absolutely adorable together and I know you're going to be happy. I'm so excited that we're both engaged,CONGRATULATIONS boys!!! <3 <3!

  9. Congrats!! In the end it only matters what you both believe not what others say. Everyone will have their own opinion and you can't please everyone, focus inward. :-)

  10. Congrats Mark and Javelin!!! I think it's great and am thrilled that I've lived long enough to see that in some states, everyone has the same civil rights that I have and are allow to marry the one person that they fall in love with. I wish you two a lifetime of happiness!

  11. Oh Mark what wonderful news!!! Congratulations to you both!!! I can still remember the over thinking I did when my husband proposed to me. Oh the anguish. I wish I could find some soothing words to make the journey easier Mark but alas, go with your heart and believe that God does not punish in the matters of love.

    Enjoy each and every moment; the joy and the confusion. I am thrilled for YOU!!! Keep us posted, please:)


Post a Comment