Wednesday, June 17, 2015

No Training Wheels #100ThankfulWeeks


Fish in Hawaii Aquarium
Week 1
Nephew's Birthday Party
Week 2
Untitled
Week 3
Please Help
Week 4
Chores
Week 5
Almonds
Week 6
Stars
Week 7
Untitled
Week 8
Bed in Red
Week 9
Untitled
Week 10
Dramatic clouds
Week 11
Untitled
Week 12
Number 1
Week 13
Toilet
Week 14
Family Collage
Week 15
Harleigh in Hospital for Treatment
Week 16
Sign of the Fish
Week 17
SmartPhone
Week 18
Untitled
Week 19
Plane
Week 20
Empty Apartment
Week 21
Untitled
Week 22
Finally. Got my coveted voting sticker. Now I need food!
Week 23
Triplets
Week 24
View from Apartment
Week 25
Thankfulness
Week 26
Comments
Week 27
Swimming Gear
Week 28
Christmas Every Day
Week 29
Illness
Week 30
Kosher Salt
Week 31
Speed Limit
Week 32
Help Me
Week 33
Electricity
Week 34
10 Ounces Extra Sharp Yellow Cheddar, Cubed
Week 35
i forgive you
Week 36
Kindness
Week 37
No idea what #flower species, just grateful we crossed paths :)
Week 38
Diversity
Week 39
Lie and Truth
Week 40
Trans
Week 41

You’ve heard of #100HappyDays? Well, I stole the idea and adapted to fit my blogging schedule.

Every day is filled with reasons to be thankful. And yet the majority of my day isn’t spent being thankful. That’s got to change. God sent his son to save me - HUGE reason to always be thankful. And I’ve been freed to live a new life through Christ, released from fear, doubt, shame and self-reliance, equipped with love to serve others and blessed with all kinds of daily tasks and jobs to express my love. And that’s just the big stuff.

This is #100ThankfulWeeks to praise Him. I’m sharing one simple thing I’m thankful for each week. Because there can never be to much thankfulness.



Week 42: Change

“Are you swimming tomorrow?” my other half asks. He’s the scheduler. While I drop important, non-routine events onto my calendar, his calendar resembles a masterfully played tetras game. Which is partly because his schedule changes every day, every week. And rest of it is just his personality.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I’m not sure I’m going.” Because I don’t like committing myself to a schedule. I like routines. Predictable, consistent, no-surprises routines. If it fits into my routine, if it’s part of what I’m already comfortable with, I’ll do it. And when my routine changes, it takes me time to adjust. And it takes an effort. Some of my resistance to change is personality. But most of it is just resistance. Because it’s easier not to change the routine.

Take swimming. My weekly routine used to include three days for swimming. Now, somehow, the routine has no days for swimming. And it’s easier not to swim and stick with the current routine than to make a change and add the swimming back in. Same thing for writing, photography, blogging, cooking - if it’s not already part of my routine, it takes effort to add it.

My other half doesn’t say much, but he looks a little sad. “Are you planning to go swimming on Friday?” he asks. And I know what he’s really asking. When will I be going swimming again. Because if it disappears for too long from the routine, it’s only that much harder to bring it back. And swimming has always been good for me.

Change

But despite how good it is for me, I still resist. I shrug and give some non-committal response. Because there’s one other reason I love my routines: I don’t have to bravely go anywhere or face anything. Everything in a routine is predictable, consistent and without surprise. Adding swimming back in could change that. If I go swimming, someone might notice I’ve put on weight. If I go swimming, someone might notice how out of shape I’ve become. Or that I feel self-conscious about my appearance.

Routines can be a good thing but in my case, they just serve to help me to hide. I isolate myself and avoid my fears. With the right routine, I can’t fail. With the right routine, I won’t meet any critics. I’ll never have an unpleasant encounter with a random stranger or uncomfortable conversations with unpredictable outcomes. I can safely control my routine and so control exactly what happens each and every moment.

At least that’s how it feels. In reality, I’ve become a slave to my own routines, fearful of what will happen if I make a change.

“I’ve been feeling kind of drug out,” I finally tell my other half. Which is true. My back and shoulders have been problematic, and I’ve been fighting some kind of sinus infection. “If I’m feeling better by Friday, I’ll probably go.”

Which really means, I’ll go if I can screw up the gumption to make a change. If I can find the courage to face my own buried fears of what’s waiting beyond my routine.

I’m not meant to live like this. Deep down, I know that. I know there’s no point in trying to control everything around me because I’m not in control. There is One who is and I should trust his power to protect me as I make a bold change. I also know I’m not meant to live in isolation. I’m a new creature meant to love to others. And that’s love that embraces the messy, the unpredictable, the uncomfortable, the dangerous.

I don’t like change and I never boldly go. But I should. I should ditch slavery to comfortable routines, face the unexpected and give up control to the One who already has it. He’s got my back, he knows what’s coming and there’s nothing he can’t handle.

It’s time for life without the training wheels.



Do you embrace change or resist it? A scheduler or a routine follower?



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